Real Talk · Uncategorized

I slowed my darn role.

One.

That is the amount of times I got dressed this past weekend.

Sure, there are hundreds of things I could have done this weekend and a handful of things I should have this weekend.

I very easily could have caught up on the towering loads of laundry that are invading our laundry room, I also could have gone shopping for the ideal silver and glittery handbag I need for a wedding at the end of the month which will complement my navy gown perfectly.

I know that I should have cleaned out the refrigerator I have been neglecting and I also should have finishing sanding the stain and paint off our kitchen table and chairs so I could have them refinished by Thanksgiving which is in just under 5 weeks. But, I didn’t.

The only productive thing I did this weekend was listen to my body and to my soul that have been yelling, kicking and screaming at me to slow my darn role lately. It has been a busy summer, which is great but as we prepare to transition into fall and the next level of busy-I needed a break. This fall we have two weddings to attend, Thanksgiving dinner to host, my birthday to celebrate, our 7 year anniversary to celebrate, two very good friend’s birthdays to celebrate, oh…and our wedding to plan still!

As much as I needed to take a time out, I also needed to come to terms with accepting that I was going to be selfish with myself this weekend. I needed to accept that I was going to say “no thank you” to all plans with friends, regardless if they understood or accepted my reasoning.

This is conflicting because as I told you recently, I am a total people pleaser. I will enthusiastically say “YES” to all kinds of things that I don’t actually want to do. Why do I do this? I think it boils down to the fact that by agreeing to these things, it makes other people happy and when I am the reason for someones happiness, I feel good about myself. I’s a weird and sick little game, I know this. Whatever.

cozy outfit

Can I be real for a minute? I had the best weekend by doing absolutely nothing productive for the outside world. I woke up both mornings and washed my face, brushed my teeth and changed from my pajamas into comfy clothes, puttered around and entertained myself, showered in the evening and put back on my pajamas. My hair was in a scrunchie all weekend! I didn’t even open my make up drawer once! I was me in the most natural sense of being. And I loved every minute of it.

So, what did I do? I cracked the spine on The Scent of You (by Maggie Alderson) which I meant to get to this summer but couldn’t find the time. I relaxed with face masks and played with a new eye cream which I will tell you about soon. I dusted off the Crock-Pot and tried a new Italian chicken recipe for dinner, it was delicious. I walked around in my oversized fluffy cozy socks. I dug out most of our fall decor that was packed away in the basement and set it up feeling festive while drinking a new bottle of white wine. I helped a friend that lives in my area look for her missing kitty, Ginger (sadly, she is still out on an adventure somewhere but we’ll keep looking until she comes home). I put together this years Thanksgiving dinner menu. I made my NFL picks for the week for our family Yahoo football pool and I mostly I hung out with my two loves- Tyson and Winston.

pumpkin kitchen table

pumpkin coffee table

pumpkin kitchen

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One thing that I did do this weekend was I carved aside some time to catch up on other blogs and see what all of you have been up to lately. I wanted to share my amazing friend Erin’s blog with you – The Crafted Dreamer. (Erin, how long have we known each other? At least 10 years I would say?) Erin is the definition of a beautiful soul – and no, that’s not a Jesse McCartney reference although I kind of wish it was. The Crafted Dream is a glimpse into her life which can be messy at times but also beautiful. She talks about real shit and she isn’t afraid to go there – depression, anxiety, relationships and the fears and hurtles that come along with those. Her blog is a definite must read and subscribe!

What did your past weekend look like? Are you getting ready for fall or still tying to hold onto summer until the last drop? Also, besides mine obvs what other blogs are you loving right now? I am always curious and looking for new blog reads so point me in he direction of some boss babes out there! Heck- brag on yourself even! Tell me about your blog!!

As always, don’t forget to subscribe to LiveLaughLearn.blog to stay up to date and follow on Instagram @LiveLaughLearn.blog

XOXO.

B.

 

Uncategorized

How to Make an Abroad Flight More Enjoyable

Back in the summer I put out a blog titled “how to prep your life for a trip” and it received so may views which got me thinking… ok, you guys like this type of content! Perfect for me!

I’ve done a good deal of traveling in my lifetime but somehow I’ve never talked about how to make an abroad flight more enjoyable. Because let’s be honest, most long international flights are kinda the worst – don’t you think?! Believe it or not, there are some things you can do to make your flight more comfortable and even make the time go by faster! If you have a big flight on your itinerary this seaon (or anytime), you’re going to want these tips in your life, trust me! I really hope those guests coming to our wedding in Jamaica are reading this!

Comfortable clothes.

First and foremost, you definitely want to make sure you’re wearing comfortable clothes! I totally get the temptation to want to show up to your destination looking super stylish and trendy but remember, you’re going to be sitting in a tiny chair for a long period of time. So tight pants or restricting tops, HARD PASS. You can still look cute without going over the top. For my trip to Portugal, I usually lean towards a basic tee and jean jacket, leggings with sneakers. Easy peasy and so comfy!

Side note / total life hack… if I’m jetting off to a warm climate but leaving Canada in the winter, I do something very specific. I will wear my leggings, my tee and sneakers but in my carry on I pack shorts and flip flops. While we are waiting at the baggage claim I sneak off to the bathroom and do a quick outfit change (it’s better than staring at an empty baggage carousal and I have the smallest bladder anyways and likely could use a bathroom break at the same time).  Also, if I have my winter jacket, I bring it with me instead of leaving it in the car at the airport. How are you going to get from the terminal to your car without your jacket in the first place? Before I check my bags, I lay my winter jacket flat between the two zipper sections of my suitcase and I leave it there when we get to our destination and do the same on the way back. Laying it between the two section and not in a compartment makes for easy access when I land.

Entertainment.

Most airlines come stacked with a great movie and TV show selection, but just in case you’re not into any of the options or you’ve watched everything you’re interested in- come prepared with your own entertainment. And don’t always assume planes have WiFi because sometimes they don’t – especially if you’re crossing major bodies of water. Pack that stack of books you’ve been wanting to read but haven’t, download any shows and movies you’ve been wanting to see, catch up on your podcasts or games you can play without WiFi – or I honestly like working on long flights because I kinda get into the groove and am not distracted. Once you get into something and find yourself distracted, the flight will go by just like that!

Getting on the plane tired.

I once took an evening flight out of Vegas back to Toronto in an attempt to sleep on the plane. Because not only is sleep a great way to kill time on a long flight, it can also help avoid jet lag. I feel like you can trick your body into thinking it’s not in a completely different time zone if you time your flight’s departure/arrival time right. I failed majorly with this on my trip because I barely slept at all, but if you can book a red eye and sleep most of the way, I think it definitely helps make the whole process of traveling way easier (especially if you’re going ahead or behind your normal time zone).

I’d suggest bringing elements that will make sleep a little easier – hopefully – like noise-canceling headphones, an eye mask, a comfy neck pillow + blanket, and SOCKS. Gotta have socks!

Being prepared.

There’s nothing worse than being stuck on a super long flight only to realize you don’t have something you need. Whether it’s food, medicationss or a neck pillow, it’s best to be over prepared in my experience. I’d MUCH rather over pack and have stuff I don’t end up using than be on a 7-hour flight without one of my must-haves. To make sure you have all the carry-on essentials you need, make your own list that you can always check off before packing. One less thing to do on the way home, too!

Buy or prep snacks.

This girl likes to eat. Not only does it make a long flight more fun, but obviously more enjoyable. It kinda depends how much time I have before traveling but if I have extra time, I like to bring somewhat healthy snacks like my own trail mix and some fruit. You can usually buy this at the airport too, but it’s a lot more expensive obviously. And TBH, I always feel better physically and energy wise if I bring my own food. Even packing a sandwich on whole wheat bread will make you feel a lot better than whatever they’re offering on the plane (usually super sodium-heavy and blahhh). Just please, for the love of your passengers, don’t bring smelly foods with you!

Get up often.

I notice a huge change in my body if I spend a long flight sitting the whole time. And obviously I’m not walking the aisles 24/7, but I do try to get up often to at least get my legs moving and stretch a little bit.

Make friends with the crew.

From the moment you step into the airport, be kind to the people working at the airlines. Hopefully this is obvious, but I’ve seen people at the check-in desk and flight attendants be treated SO horribly. Kindness goes a long way though! I’ve even been able to get bumped up to a nicer seat for literally just being kind. And at the least, be nice to the flight crew – you might end up with a free glass of wine, an extra pillow, etc. – or at least a more pleasant experience and someone to talk to for a minute.

Don’t check your chargers.

There’s nothing worse than your iPad or whatever dying mid flight. Before you board the plane, ask the front desk people if the plane has chargers (MOST planes do these days, especially ones for longer flights). If they don’t, charge away as you wait to board. But I always am sure to bring my chargers in my carry on so that I can recharge before taking off or during the flight. Don’t forget to charge your headphones if needed (like Airpods)!

Staying hydrated.

Being hydrated (both skin and body) is one of the most underestimated ways to keep yourself feeling good during and after an abroad flight. If you’ve ever gotten off a plane and had a headache or a scratchy throat, drinking tons of water while in-flight can be a total game changer! And if your skin feels tight and extra dry, you definitely want to layer up the moisturizer to keep it quenched the whole trip!

That’s about it for my travel suggestions at the moment.

Let me know what you do on flights to pass the time and have a more relaxing journey?

As always, don’t forget to subscribe to LiveLaughLearn.blog to stay up to date and follow on Instagram @LiveLaughLearn.blog

XOXO.

B.

Real Talk · Uncategorized

People pleasing

Hi friends! I’m back today with my thoughts on people pleasing and how to go about breaking the pattern of always wanting to bend over backward for everyone. As a fellow people pleaser myself, I know this is much easier said than done, which is why I wanted to talk about it.

Here’s the thing, being a people pleaser isn’t a bad thing, in fact, I think it means you care deeply about others and you just want to see them succeed. But at what cost? From my experience, it’s usually at the expense of my own sanity. Anyone else guilty of sacrificing themselves in this way for someone else’s benefit? I am not saying you should never do nice things for others, but there needs to be a boundary. So today is all about drawing that line and discussing how to stop being a people pleaser. Come on, let’s do it together!!

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Start small.

First things first, start small. Like making any big change in your life, it’s best to start small so you don’t end up overwhelmed. Being a people pleaser is usually something you’re born with so kicking the habit is going to take time and patience. Start with small no’s in casual situations. For example, if a friend asks you to go out for drinks but you really don’t want to drink that night, suggest dinner instead or even a coffee date. This way you won’t have the guilt of completely saying no but you’re asking for something that makes it more convenient for you.

Find satisfaction with internal validation.

There’s a lot of information out there on the science and psychology of being a people pleaser and something I read recently really stuck with me. It said that a lot of the time people pleasers get their confidence from external forces. Meaning, what makes them feel good about themselves is someone needing their help and therefore making them feel needed. People pleasers tend to feed off of that and as time goes on, will start to really go over the top to make sure everyone else is happy and satisfied, forgetting about themselves.

Doesn’t this make SO much sense? The article continued to say that to break the habit, we have to find things that make us feel good about ourselves and give us confidence that comes from a place of internal validation, not from someone else. So like finding things that give us joy without feeling “needed”. For me, that means spending time with friends just hanging out, going on walks with Winston or even putting outfit inspiration together for you guys! These are things that make me feel good without feeling like I’m only doing them because someone else needs me to.

Get rid of any toxic relationships.

When you’re trying to kick any bad habit, you can’t do it surrounded by toxic people. Kind of like when you’re trying to eat healthier or work out more. The positive people in your life will understand the changes and choices you’re making, while the negative might criticize or even look down on you. These are the kind of relationships that won’t let you grow. And they’re probably the people that take advantage of your people-pleasing ways anyway, so kick them to curb and allow yourself to continue growing and improving. I dedicated an entire post on how to end these toxic relationships here.

Learn to be more self-aware.

Learning to be more self-aware over the last few years has enabled me to grow SO much, including stopping being such a people pleaser all the time. But self-awareness can kind of seem like an elusive thing, right? Like how do you “learn to be more self-aware”? I used to wonder the same thing, which is why I wrote this detailed post awhile ago. I talk about how to do it and why it’s important. Definitely read it if self-awareness feels like a giant question mark to you.

All of this to say, for this specific situation, becoming more self-aware will help you know when you’re displaying people pleaser behavior, the situations that trigger it and what you need to do to reel it back in!

Know that there is a choice.

The next time you find yourself in the position to either please or disappoint, try to stop and really think about what your next words or actions should be. I know my first reaction can be to dive in, do whatever someone needs help with and then watch them feel happy. It’s not wrong to want people to be happy, you just have to make it a conscious choice and not a knee-jerk reaction that costs you your own happiness.

Take a minute to step back and respond thoughtfully and intentionally. And if you do say no, don’t apologize for it! Own your decision and feel good about it. The world will keep turning, I promise! Just because you chose to say no doesn’t mean you’re not a kind, empathic person. You’re simply putting yourself first in that moment and that’s nothing to feel guilty about.

Give yourself grace.

You don’t want kicking this habit to turn into you being hard on yourself if you fail, so give yourself some grace. Start small like I mentioned above and if you find yourself taking care of others before taking care of yourself, don’t punish yourself for it. Actually, just being aware that you were people pleasing is progress if you ask me!

I hope you found this helpful. If anyone else struggles with being a people pleaser, I’d love to hear from you in the comments!

Don’t forget to subscribe to LiveLaughLearn.blog to stay up to date and follow on Instagram @LiveLaughLearn.blog

XOXO.

B.