With the new year comes all kinds of resolutions and goals that we want to accomplish in our lives. I’m not big on resolutions myself (click here to find out why), but I do agree that we should work towards bettering ourselves and making the most of the life that we’re living.
For a lot of people that means cutting out those negative relationships, especially friendships. Friendships are one of the few things that we can actively choose in our lives so why would anyone choose to put up with someone treating them like crap? Well, it’s not as easy as just taking a pair of scissors and snipping them out.
Friendships are basically a bond between you and another person so deciding to cut them out of your life requires a lot of thought and actually doing it isn’t fun at all. But if your resolution this year is to put up with less hurt from the people around you and focus on your healthy and supportive relationships, this might be able help you realize which friends need to go.
Toxic relationships can look like a million different things since no friendship is ever the exact same. I always try and make a point in my friendships to really look deep and be in touch with how I feel around the people I choose to have closest to me. Sure, some may call me a bitch for ending friendships that I just don’t benefit from but I’ve been called worse and at the end of the day, I have to be able to be happy and comfortable in my own skin.
There are certain traits that I immediately get turned off from in friendships and take that as a signal to either walk away from it or address the subject right then and there.
They point out your flaws ALL THE TIME.
You want to surround yourself with friends that are honest with you, but there is such a thing as too much honesty. When it goes from just being honest to harsh criticism, constantly, that’s when you know there’s a serious problem on the horizon. If you’re afraid to talk to them about things and fear that they’ll be unsupportive and mean, you’re in a toxic friendship.
They never think about YOUR feelings.
Friends who never think about how their actions or words are affecting you, are probably not the best friends to keep around. They don’t care if what they’re saying is hurting you or if them bailing on your plans causes you stress and makes you unhappy, they just do it anyways. They do whatever it takes to make themselves feel better at the expense of your feelings.
They aren’t happy for your success or happiness.
It’s important to surround ourselves with people that are happy for our own happiness and success. If you get a promotion at work you want a friend that will take you out for drinks to celebrate. If you meet someone and start a new relationship you want someone that will ask all about them. A crappy friend will always find a way to point out the negatives in your happiness and success instead of just being happy for you.
You’re ALWAYS the one reaching out to talk or make plans.
Just like they’re always bailing on your plans, you’re always the one reaching out to make plans with them in the first place. You’ve been calling and texting her to chat and it’s always you asking to meet up and hang out. It can become very one-sided and friendships need to be equal in order for them to work. If one person is more invested in the friendship than the other, it is time to let it go.
It’s okay to part ways.
Not all friendships can last, and that’s okay! It may feel terrible to end a friendship, especially when most people’s natural instinct is to stay and find a way to work it out. But if your friendship isn’t healthy for you anymore, it’s okay to part ways and call it quits. Losing people along the way is a part of life so don’t feel too badly about it.
Let it go.
Feeling bitter towards a friend that was supposed to be there for you but ended up making you feel badly about yourself is common when dealing with a toxic friendship. Holding onto your bitterness and not letting it go will prevent you from moving on and can be damaging for you and your other relationships.
Feel sad about it.
A friendship that you took the time to grow is starting to come to an end and that can be pretty sad. It’s not a good feeling to remove someone from your life, especially when they were once a great friend to you. So it’s okay to feel sad about it for a little while but also know that moving on and feeling happy again is just as important.
It’s not you.
This is obviously a really hard one and will probably feel impossible sometimes when all of their behavior is directed at you, personally. But understand that it’s their problems entirely and it’s not really about you at all. You’ve done nothing wrong but be their friend so try to remember this when they’re being especially toxic to you.
Focus on your healthy relationships.
You most likely have other friendships in your life that are much healthier than this one, so go focus your energy on maintaining those for a while. After all, you need good friends in your life and if your toxic friend only wants to talk about themselves when you’re together, you need better friends.
Don’t wait for them to change or apologize.
If your friend has been treating you like a doormat, don’t expect them to miraculously change or apologize to you for it. If you put off cutting them from your life in the hopes that they’ll realize that they’ve treated you poorly isn’t very realistic. They most likely won’t change their behavior any time soon so don’t wait for them to.
The moral of this post… it is okay to walk away from a relationship! It is okay to put yourself first! Do you girl! Find your tribe and just be the crazy, weird, true version of yourself!
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