Dear fellow brides,
In a very short amount of time, the coronavirus went from something we may have heard about on the news for a hot minute, to the only thing any of us are thinking about. Businesses are closing, people are beyond stressed about their jobs and some are out of work all together, everyone is practicing social distancing (at least they should be!), and we are all constantly worried about the health of our loved ones. It’s a LOT to process. But on top of all of that, you’ve had to also think about your wedding day.
Just two weeks ago, you were probably really excited. Maybe your bridal shower was around the corner. Maybe you were planning fun activities for your bachelorette party. Or shopping for the perfect white dress for your rehearsal dinner – because when else can you wear a fancy white dress?! Maybe, you were really looking forward to your next wedding dress fitting. Or for some, you were mere days away from saying I do. I fall into that last category. I was packing my luggage and decorations with the idea we’d be leaving for our wedding in Jamaica in just a few days.
No matter what your timeline was/is, I understand how you feel.
We have all been looking forward to this day for longer than we can remember. It has been in our minds since we were little girls, growing infinitely more real as soon as we fell in love. And now it feels a little bit like we’re being robbed. This should be the happiest, most magical time in our lives, and instead, it is full of sadness, confusion, and fear. And on top of that, you’ve probably felt guilty for feeling this way because there are so many other things going on right now. But maintaining perspective is hard in moments when you feel heartbreak. It just is.
If you’ve thought “why NOW?”, you’re not alone, sister. This past week, I have connected with so many of you who are going through this. And even still, I have felt at times like God or the universe, or whatever is bigger than us, simply doesn’t want me to experience this joy. It has felt, at times, like I’m being told, “weddings were for everyone else, just not for you.”
After all, all of us have watched countless siblings, cousins, friends, Aunts, Uncles, coworkers, and more get married. We’ve fit 8, 9, 10 weddings into one year – flying all over the world to do it. We have been dutiful bridesmaids and maids of honor. We’ve witnessed other brides freak out about things that simply did not matter. What we all would give to be stressed out by something small instead of something as massive as this.
Instead of typos or a needy family member, we are faced with decisions that feel impossibly hard.
What do you do when your wedding gets cancelled one or two weeks out?! What do you do when the CDC forced cancellations for 8 weeks, but you are 10, 12, 14 weeks out and your vendors are still telling you you’re fine? How do you know what to do when no one has any idea what the world is going to look like then? And how do you process all of this quickly enough to see what is happening with clear eyes?
Because the truth is, we all know that what is going on right now is bigger than canceled weddings. This is all harder than just: will I be allowed to go or not? It’s not like this is plowing through like a hurricane, leaving destruction it’s path, never to be seen again. There is a looming cloud of fear and uncertainty over the whole world right now because we have no idea what will happen or how long this will stay.
And while it is tempting to hold tight to optimism and hope for a miracle, we also have an ethical weight on our hearts. What if people really don’t feel comfortable traveling or going to a big event at that time? And the one that really got my anxiety going… what if we still had our wedding because we *technically* could, and people we love got sick? I don’t know if we could bear that guilt. It is devastating to even consider.
So where does that leave us?
Well, friends, I can’t tell you that. We all have to make the decisions that are best for us. This is an unpredictable and unprecedented time in our history. So unfortunately, I don’t have any concrete advice for you. That’s not why I wrote this post.
I wrote it so you would know that you are not alone. That you are worthy of happiness. That other people who are trying to make you feel better might not actually make you feel better, and that’s okay. I wrote this so you would know that, despite everything else going on in the world, you are allowed to be sad about this. You are allowed to cry and be mad and take your time processing everything. This is a LOT. You’re not just planning a wedding or rescheduling a wedding or dealing with a cancelled wedding. You’re also dealing with a GLOBAL PANDEMIC. Girl, take a deep breath. This is HARD.
Please know that I am sending so much love to each and every one of you. You will figure out the best way to handle this situation in time. If you’re not there yet, just squeeze your fiance’s hand tighter. Make every kiss count. Lean into him or her. Acknowledge the fact that this card we’ve been dealt isn’t fair, but also acknowledge how freaking lucky you are to have found someone you love enough that you want to spend your entire life with them. We still have so much to be grateful for.
You’ve got this!
We have personally decided to postpone our March 30th (today) wedding. We made the call about 3 weeks ago. At the time, it felt like a cancellation was inevitable – whether it was because the CDC extended their recommendation for no events over 50 people or not, we knew they would be tightening if not closing the border. We ultimately knew we’d feel uncomfortable asking our friends and family to travel during this uncertain time. We couldn’t in our right minds ask them to travel to Jamaica with us knowing they would have to be isiolated from their kids and not able to work for 14 days after we returned. And the longer we sat in denial, the less likely we’d be able to secure another 2020 date at our venue. So, we went for it!
This has been an emotional week, but even though it took us a second to come to this conclusion, we now know it was 1000% the right move. We just had to go through a quick mourning process! And now that we’re through it, we can exhale.
So… we are currently in the works of looking at dates in November. I’ve had a few people as me “what if everything isn’t resolved by then either?” And to that I don’t have an answer. If it’s not still safe for our loved ones to attend in November, we’ll figure something out. But for now, we’re taking it day by day. We’re doing our part by staying home and encouraging others to #flattenthecurve, and praying really hard for things to get better over these next few months. Not just for us, but for all of us. That’s really all we can do.
Are you postponing your wedding?
I’d love to hear your story and how you’re coping – let me know in the comments.
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You’ve got this.