Real Talk · Uncategorized

5 Things I’m OK learning to be OK with as an adult.

If I’ve learned anything these last few years (OK, like year and a half) since turning 30, it’s that we are all truly on our own journey and life is going to look different for everyone. And you know what? THAT’S OK! It sounds like an easy thing to wrap your mind around, but for me, it’s taken some time to learn to feel OK about certain things. This post is a little more personal than I usually go with you, but I just felt like it was necessary to write because I think so many of us feel this way.

I really hope this resonates with anyone struggling with these things like I have. I’m growing and learning and accepting every day though, which feels really great. Here are 5 things I’m OK learning to be OK with as an adult.

Timelines work out differently than you imagine in your early 20’s.

When I was freshly in my 20’s, I had a vision of how the decade would play out. I’d go to university, I’d find a great job, I’d marry my high school sweetheart, I’d start a family, etc, etc. I’m sure I wasn’t the first person to be naive to the fact that sometimes things just don’t work out that way. I mean I had absolutely no clue my career would take the turn that it has and I’d end up being in fiance by day and a blogger by night. That definitely was not in 20-year-old Becca’s 10-year plan. But here I am. On a different path than what I ever thought possible. It’s definitely not what I thought it would be, but I truly believe I’m exactly where I was always meant to be. And that goes for my career, my relationship, my house – everything. Did I get married at 24 like I thought I would? Nope. But those timelines work out differently for everyone and to be honest, I’m really happy with mine and it feels SO good to be at peace with that. I’m obviously engaged now but it’s just way later than I would have guessed, but I’m JUST as happy if not more because I know myself so well.

If you’re reading this and you’re just starting out your 20’s or maybe you’re 25 or 26, my best advice is to just eliminate the pressure of trying to live up to what you thought your 20’s would be like. You’re not failing if you don’t hit a certain milestone by X age. You’re not failing if your plan changes completely and everything you thought you wanted no longer seems important. That is LIFE. It looks different for everyone, so try not to compare your journey to someone else’s.

Balance doesn’t always happen.

When I was younger I’d imagine this perfect life where I’m done with work every day by 5 pm and then I’d come home to my family where the weight of my job would never affect me. Ha! Such a funny joke looking back now isn’t it? I thought achieving the whole work-life balance thing wasn’t going to be hard, but I could not have been more wrong about this one. Around this time last year, I came to the realization that “balance” doesn’t mean being able to do everything perfectly. It means choosing which “buckets” (family, friends, work, relationship) of my life I want to give more time and attention to and that those buckets would change all the time. So now, to me, balance means knowing that I actually can’t do it all. But instead, deciding where to focus my energy.

This whole thing really was a revelation for me, which is why I wrote a big post about it previously. I’m a perfectionist by nature, so discovering what balance really means (at least to me – it’s different for everyone) and learning to be OK with it was a game-changer for me.

Motivation comes and goes.

This has been a really huge lesson for me to learn throughout my 20’s. If you struggle with feeling guilty or bad about yourself if you’re not super motivated all the time, I’m here to let you know IT’S OK! One day you’re going to kill it and get #allthethings done and the next you’re going to wonder how you were ever so productive.

Just like everything else in life, there are going to be ebbs and flows and your best bet is to just roll with it. The key to rolling with it is to not get on social media and compare yourself to others. You’re seeing their highlight reel (just like they’re probably seeing yours)!! Don’t compare someone’s best day to your average day. This is a constant work in progress for me, but I feel like the fact that I’m aware enough to know I need to work on it means I’m heading in the right direction.

You aren’t always happy.

Important PSA: You can still have a very satisfying and GOOD life and not be happy 100% of the time. I mean who the heck feels completely happy every day, all day? Not me and I’m OK with that. Bad days are going to happen, the important thing is how you respond. I hope I don’t sound too much like a coach or something right now, but it’s just what I’ve learned in the last 10 years. And that popular saying we all probably rolled our eyes at when we were younger is so true – “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.”

Stressful times are going to happen.

Just like being happy and feeling motivated, stressful times are going to come and go. This is one area I’m definitely still wrapping my head around because I’m still learning how to best handle myself during stressful times, but I feel like I’ve made a ton of progress in the last two or three years. I think it’s because I’ve gotten to know myself better and have figured out what my outlets are. Like brain dumps, walking, quiet time, etc. Try to pinpoint what works for you so you know how to de-stress in a healthy, productive way.

All I know is, when I was younger all I wanted was to be older. And I’d envision how fun it would be to have a house, a relationship, be able to travel, etc., but once you actually reach adulthood and see the other side of things, you realize that although it is great, it’s not all rainbows and unicorns. Know what I mean? But with the harder times, there are even more good times. So if you’re struggling to be OK with your life looking different than what you thought, don’t! You’re actually killing it, I guarantee it.

Is there anything in your life that’s totally different than you thought it would be or is “off-timeline”?

As always, don’t forget to subscribe to LiveLaughLearn.blog to stay up to date and follow on Instagram @LiveLaughLearn.blog

XOXO.

B.

Real Talk · Uncategorized

9 Things to do right after you get engaged.

It’s December which to many of us mean, it’s engagement season!

In case you are new around here, Tyson and I get engaged this past January and are now well underway to planning our March 2020 wedding.

Getting engaged is super exciting and I can’t urge you enough to pause and let the moment soak in before you rush into any decisions. You’ve paused and are ready now? OK, so now I want to talk about what comes next! I’m guessing there are a few of you out there who might be in the same boat as me right now, or you’re women’s intuition is going off and you’re sensing an upcoming engagement, which is why I wanted to write a post all about what to do right after you get engaged. Some of it may seem a little like common sense, but some things have even taken me by surprise!

Whether your engagement is a few months or a year, I hope this post is helpful for any brides-to-be out there like myself. And if you have any other important tips on what to get done ASAP, please share in the comments!!

Celebrate!

I wanted to include taking a minute to celebrate because hello!! You just got engaged!! Trust me, I totally get how easy it is to dive in head first to wedding planning mode without even taking a minute to digest the fact that you’re getting married. But it’s totally worth it to slow down for a second and take it all in. Lucky for us, we were on vacation when we got engaged so that gave us a few days to spread the word before we arrived home to our friends waiting with bottles of champs!

Insure your ring and get it sized.

OK, so this is VERY important. I’ll be honest – I didn’t even really realize this was something you have to do, but you 100% should. Get it done right away too because if anything happens to your ring, you want it to be covered!

This is also a good time to get your ring sized if you need to (Tyson was adorable and crept into my closet to measure my rings before he proposed. However, he accidentally measured my thumb ring for my right hand which is much larger than my left handed ring finger. I needed to take mine in to be sized from a 6.5 to a 3.25. He was smart enough to bring temporary spacers for the ring on our vacation so I could wear it in the meantime). It sucks to be without your ring for a little bit, but you don’t want it falling off or be too tight! Some jewellers can do it day-of on the spot like mine did so call around!

Set a wedding budget.

This is one of those logistical things that isn’t very fun but has to be done. Think about the kind of wedding you want (big, small, local, destination, plated dinner vs buffet, etc.) and get an idea of what your budget will be. Do this ASAP so you can start booking vendors and thinking about all the fun details! I suggest starting an Excel file and adding every budgeted amount and every purchase so you can stay on track.

Nail down your most important vendors.

Speaking of vendors, you want to nail them down basically as soon as possible. This would include things like your venue, your photographer/videographer, your planner (if you’re having one), the florist, caterer, DJ or band, etc. These people book up months (sometimes years!) in advance so start doing your research right away and then book visits so you can make a decision sooner rather than later.

Pick your date.

You basically can’t do anything else until you have your date set in stone, so while you’re contacting all your top vendor choices, be sure to get a few available dates from each of them to help you narrow down what date works best overall. Take into consideration weather, if you want something inside or out, in-season vs. out of season prices, the type of vision you have and all that!

Share your plans with close friends and family.

As you start booking things, you’ll definitely want to keep your family and close friends in the loop. You don’t want to pick a date that doesn’t work for one of the most important people in your life but you also don’t want to be living on other people’s agendas, so keep this circle small-ish. If you want a big wedding, it might be best to do something more off-season so you know more people will be able to attend!

Choose your wedding party.

If you are having a quick engagement, choosing your wedding party is something to do right away! If you’re having a longer engagement it may not seem quite as important, and I would almost have to discourage you from making a quick decision on this. Friendships can change overnight and when you add a wedding into the mix, sometimes people change. Your girls are going to want to get to work planning showers and a bachelorette party for you so giving them as much time as possible is always helpful but make sure you think this through before hand. If you aren’t doing a party, you can obviously skip this!

Gather inspiration.

Now it’s time for all the really fun stuff! I’m neck-deep in wedding inspo right now and it’s been so dang exciting! Grab a big glass of wine and get over to Pinterest ASAP because you’ll be both fascinated and overwhelmed by all the different styles of weddings that are possible! So. Many. Choices.

Go dress shopping.

Ahhhh!! This can be the most exciting part but it can also take some time! I suggest starting this sooner than later once you have a clear idea of your venue and decor. You might be like me who falls in love after the first dress and you’ll know that’s the dress without trying on others. Or, you may go to every bridal stone in your town and try on everything! Even if you have a year-long engagement, I definitely wouldn’t wait too long to pick your dress!

Sometimes I still have to pinch myself that I’m engaged and all of this is happening so fast! Where are you at in your planning cycle? What do you have done and what do you have left to do? Any other March brides here or destination brides?

As always, don’t forget to subscribe to LiveLaughLearn.blog to stay up to date and follow on Instagram @LiveLaughLearn.blog

XOXO.

B.

Real Talk · Uncategorized

How to deal with negative self-talk.

Today’s post is something I’ve been wanting to write for a while, but is kinda heavy so I think I’ve subconsciously been putting it off. Negative self-talk is an issue I deal with frequently and I want to put it out there because I think we all can be unnecessarily hard on ourselves every once in a while. I know I write a lot about positivity and self-care, etc. but the truth is I have some down moments of my own and can find myself in a really negative head space sometimes. I try really hard to be self-aware enough to know when I’m in this space, which is what I want to touch on in this post.

I sat down and put some thought (basically did a brain dump and pulled out what made sense) into it and the following is what I came up with for how to deal with negative self-talk.

Be aware enough to know when you’re doing it.

I mentioned this above and I think it’s the most important thing to take away from this post. Knowing when you’re in a tough spot mentally and taking it all out on yourself is key. Because, no matter what your situation is, being mean to yourself isn’t going to help solve anything. Honestly, I think self-awareness is one of the best characteristics a person can have.

Ask yourself why.

If you find yourself talking or thinking negatively about yourself, pause for a second and ask yourself why? Did you miss a deadline? Forget an appointment? Drop the ball in some way at work? Doing any of those things can make you feel like a failure darn quick. I GET IT. But how does beating yourself over it help in any way? Instead, ask yourself why you’re being so hard on yourself and then write a quick list of two or three things that you can do to change the circumstance for next time. Take action! Rethink your priorities, evaluate your goals. etc. There are just a lot more productive things you can do to help yourself than sitting around making yourself feel like total crap, know what I mean?

Do something you enjoy.

This kind of goes back to the self-awareness thing, but you need to know how to get yourself happy. KNOW what gives you true joy! That way when you need to bring yourself back up you know exactly what to do. For me, it’s going on a walk or having some quiet time snuggling with Winston, or even a call to my grandmother always seems to go a long way. Whatever it is for you, just do it and get yourself smiling again.

Give yourself grace.

This is another very important lesson I’ve learned in the last year or so. Giving yourself grace means you’re not being so critical of yourself and you’re making room for those “mess-ups” or “drop the ball” moments. The more I learn to extend myself some grace, the less I find myself in a bad spot mentally. It makes a huge difference, trust me!

I truly, truly hope you find this helpful. This is definitely an issue I’m still working on myself, but if putting it out there helps any of you then it’s worth it!

As always, don’t forget to subscribe to LiveLaughLearn.blog to stay up to date and follow on Instagram @LiveLaughLearn.blog

XOXO.

B.