Real Talk · Uncategorized

How to stay motivated when it’s cold and dark.

Hello lovely humans!!

I feel like it’s officially  that time of year again when the temperature and the short days start to take a toll on us. Anybody else experience this? I think I’m just someone who feeds off of the sun and beautiful weather, but living in Canada and having real winters, I want to double down on what I can do to keep motivated during the inevitable cold and short days.

I’ve written a lot about motivation in the past but I also really try to make these tips specific to the season, temperature and shorter days. If you have any tried and true tips on this topic, please share! I’m all ears because I have a feeling I’m going to need all the help I can get during the winter!

Find a way to get excited about the day.

When the weather is crappy and the sun starts to set at 5:30pm, the feeling of dread starts pretty early in the day. Instead of letting it take over, give yourself something to look forward to! For example, if you check off X amount of things on your to-do list then you get to buy those new boots you’ve been eyeing or take yourself out to a movie – whatever gets you most excited! Some may call it bribery, but I call it getting stuff done.

Move your body.

I’ve said this a million times and I’ll keep saying it – moving my body more has changed my life! It seriously makes me feel so much better and kind of reinvigorates me. It took a while for me to really make it a habit, but once I realized what a difference it was making in my productivity and how good it makes me feel, I had to keep doing it!

The main thing I love to do to move my body is take Winston for walks, 30 minutes at least every day. The problem I run into is in the winter time, the salt on the sidewalks is so bad for his little paws and it hurts him (I’ve tried so many pair of booties but he hates them all) so we resort to playing in the backyard as much as possible. Recently. I have adapted the habit of an at home workout every night. I’ve been using the Workout For Women app on my iPhone. There are a bunch of great workouts ranging from 6 – 9 minutes that don’t require any equipment other than your own body. I try and do 3 a day before hitting the showers.

Talk to a co-worker or friend.

I think it’s especially important to make sure you’re not isolating yourself in the fall/winter months. The weather can already make things sort of depressing so if you’re feeling unmotivated, talk to someone at work or a friend. Sometimes the best thing I can do for myself when I’m having a meh day is take a break and talk to someone who inspires me.

Break big to-do’s into smaller ones.

Think about it. If it’s freezing cold, dark AND you have some giant tasks to get done that day. It’s easy to throw everything aside and just do nothing, am I right? Netflix is the enemy. So, instead of writing the one big task on your to-do list, break it down into two or three smaller ones spread out over a few days. This will help you feel more accomplished and less guilty about yourself for having to keep moving whatever your big task is further back on your calendar.

Anyone have anything else to add? I’d love to read it and I’m sure everyone else would too!

As always, don’t forget to subscribe to LiveLaughLearn.blog to stay up to date and follow on Instagram @LiveLaughLearn.blog

XOXO.

B.

Real Talk · Uncategorized

I slowed my darn role.

One.

That is the amount of times I got dressed this past weekend.

Sure, there are hundreds of things I could have done this weekend and a handful of things I should have this weekend.

I very easily could have caught up on the towering loads of laundry that are invading our laundry room, I also could have gone shopping for the ideal silver and glittery handbag I need for a wedding at the end of the month which will complement my navy gown perfectly.

I know that I should have cleaned out the refrigerator I have been neglecting and I also should have finishing sanding the stain and paint off our kitchen table and chairs so I could have them refinished by Thanksgiving which is in just under 5 weeks. But, I didn’t.

The only productive thing I did this weekend was listen to my body and to my soul that have been yelling, kicking and screaming at me to slow my darn role lately. It has been a busy summer, which is great but as we prepare to transition into fall and the next level of busy-I needed a break. This fall we have two weddings to attend, Thanksgiving dinner to host, my birthday to celebrate, our 7 year anniversary to celebrate, two very good friend’s birthdays to celebrate, oh…and our wedding to plan still!

As much as I needed to take a time out, I also needed to come to terms with accepting that I was going to be selfish with myself this weekend. I needed to accept that I was going to say “no thank you” to all plans with friends, regardless if they understood or accepted my reasoning.

This is conflicting because as I told you recently, I am a total people pleaser. I will enthusiastically say “YES” to all kinds of things that I don’t actually want to do. Why do I do this? I think it boils down to the fact that by agreeing to these things, it makes other people happy and when I am the reason for someones happiness, I feel good about myself. I’s a weird and sick little game, I know this. Whatever.

cozy outfit

Can I be real for a minute? I had the best weekend by doing absolutely nothing productive for the outside world. I woke up both mornings and washed my face, brushed my teeth and changed from my pajamas into comfy clothes, puttered around and entertained myself, showered in the evening and put back on my pajamas. My hair was in a scrunchie all weekend! I didn’t even open my make up drawer once! I was me in the most natural sense of being. And I loved every minute of it.

So, what did I do? I cracked the spine on The Scent of You (by Maggie Alderson) which I meant to get to this summer but couldn’t find the time. I relaxed with face masks and played with a new eye cream which I will tell you about soon. I dusted off the Crock-Pot and tried a new Italian chicken recipe for dinner, it was delicious. I walked around in my oversized fluffy cozy socks. I dug out most of our fall decor that was packed away in the basement and set it up feeling festive while drinking a new bottle of white wine. I helped a friend that lives in my area look for her missing kitty, Ginger (sadly, she is still out on an adventure somewhere but we’ll keep looking until she comes home). I put together this years Thanksgiving dinner menu. I made my NFL picks for the week for our family Yahoo football pool and I mostly I hung out with my two loves- Tyson and Winston.

pumpkin kitchen table

pumpkin coffee table

pumpkin kitchen

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One thing that I did do this weekend was I carved aside some time to catch up on other blogs and see what all of you have been up to lately. I wanted to share my amazing friend Erin’s blog with you – The Crafted Dreamer. (Erin, how long have we known each other? At least 10 years I would say?) Erin is the definition of a beautiful soul – and no, that’s not a Jesse McCartney reference although I kind of wish it was. The Crafted Dream is a glimpse into her life which can be messy at times but also beautiful. She talks about real shit and she isn’t afraid to go there – depression, anxiety, relationships and the fears and hurtles that come along with those. Her blog is a definite must read and subscribe!

What did your past weekend look like? Are you getting ready for fall or still tying to hold onto summer until the last drop? Also, besides mine obvs what other blogs are you loving right now? I am always curious and looking for new blog reads so point me in he direction of some boss babes out there! Heck- brag on yourself even! Tell me about your blog!!

As always, don’t forget to subscribe to LiveLaughLearn.blog to stay up to date and follow on Instagram @LiveLaughLearn.blog

XOXO.

B.

 

Real Talk · Uncategorized

People pleasing

Hi friends! I’m back today with my thoughts on people pleasing and how to go about breaking the pattern of always wanting to bend over backward for everyone. As a fellow people pleaser myself, I know this is much easier said than done, which is why I wanted to talk about it.

Here’s the thing, being a people pleaser isn’t a bad thing, in fact, I think it means you care deeply about others and you just want to see them succeed. But at what cost? From my experience, it’s usually at the expense of my own sanity. Anyone else guilty of sacrificing themselves in this way for someone else’s benefit? I am not saying you should never do nice things for others, but there needs to be a boundary. So today is all about drawing that line and discussing how to stop being a people pleaser. Come on, let’s do it together!!

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Start small.

First things first, start small. Like making any big change in your life, it’s best to start small so you don’t end up overwhelmed. Being a people pleaser is usually something you’re born with so kicking the habit is going to take time and patience. Start with small no’s in casual situations. For example, if a friend asks you to go out for drinks but you really don’t want to drink that night, suggest dinner instead or even a coffee date. This way you won’t have the guilt of completely saying no but you’re asking for something that makes it more convenient for you.

Find satisfaction with internal validation.

There’s a lot of information out there on the science and psychology of being a people pleaser and something I read recently really stuck with me. It said that a lot of the time people pleasers get their confidence from external forces. Meaning, what makes them feel good about themselves is someone needing their help and therefore making them feel needed. People pleasers tend to feed off of that and as time goes on, will start to really go over the top to make sure everyone else is happy and satisfied, forgetting about themselves.

Doesn’t this make SO much sense? The article continued to say that to break the habit, we have to find things that make us feel good about ourselves and give us confidence that comes from a place of internal validation, not from someone else. So like finding things that give us joy without feeling “needed”. For me, that means spending time with friends just hanging out, going on walks with Winston or even putting outfit inspiration together for you guys! These are things that make me feel good without feeling like I’m only doing them because someone else needs me to.

Get rid of any toxic relationships.

When you’re trying to kick any bad habit, you can’t do it surrounded by toxic people. Kind of like when you’re trying to eat healthier or work out more. The positive people in your life will understand the changes and choices you’re making, while the negative might criticize or even look down on you. These are the kind of relationships that won’t let you grow. And they’re probably the people that take advantage of your people-pleasing ways anyway, so kick them to curb and allow yourself to continue growing and improving. I dedicated an entire post on how to end these toxic relationships here.

Learn to be more self-aware.

Learning to be more self-aware over the last few years has enabled me to grow SO much, including stopping being such a people pleaser all the time. But self-awareness can kind of seem like an elusive thing, right? Like how do you “learn to be more self-aware”? I used to wonder the same thing, which is why I wrote this detailed post awhile ago. I talk about how to do it and why it’s important. Definitely read it if self-awareness feels like a giant question mark to you.

All of this to say, for this specific situation, becoming more self-aware will help you know when you’re displaying people pleaser behavior, the situations that trigger it and what you need to do to reel it back in!

Know that there is a choice.

The next time you find yourself in the position to either please or disappoint, try to stop and really think about what your next words or actions should be. I know my first reaction can be to dive in, do whatever someone needs help with and then watch them feel happy. It’s not wrong to want people to be happy, you just have to make it a conscious choice and not a knee-jerk reaction that costs you your own happiness.

Take a minute to step back and respond thoughtfully and intentionally. And if you do say no, don’t apologize for it! Own your decision and feel good about it. The world will keep turning, I promise! Just because you chose to say no doesn’t mean you’re not a kind, empathic person. You’re simply putting yourself first in that moment and that’s nothing to feel guilty about.

Give yourself grace.

You don’t want kicking this habit to turn into you being hard on yourself if you fail, so give yourself some grace. Start small like I mentioned above and if you find yourself taking care of others before taking care of yourself, don’t punish yourself for it. Actually, just being aware that you were people pleasing is progress if you ask me!

I hope you found this helpful. If anyone else struggles with being a people pleaser, I’d love to hear from you in the comments!

Don’t forget to subscribe to LiveLaughLearn.blog to stay up to date and follow on Instagram @LiveLaughLearn.blog

XOXO.

B.